proustian, faustian, or fustian
Jul. 3rd, 2003 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glauconsomeone else wrote elsewhere:
Somebody did not want me in touch with them because of some hurt they feel I caused them. What did I do? I backed off.
I wrote:
somehow that reminds me of the the situation with my Fatal Ex.
the ex-gf in question is the only one of my exen with whom I am not on speaking terms. I'm very pleased with this record, by and large. there are about a dozen people with whom I had a dating/romantic/sexual type relationship lasting more than a week, and I'm on fairly friendly terms with all but one of them. in some cases, "friendly terms" means an email once every year or two: just a quick "how ya doin'? what's new?"
in other cases, it means I'm living with one ex, or that I get together for breakfast or coffeee every week or two with another, or that I really can't stand a third, but I like her boyfriend a lot and hang out with her sometimes as an excuse to be with him.
but there's still that one.
sara was my closest friend for about four years (from the time I was 15 to 19), then we had a very intense, otherworldly relationship for about a year. there was a brief engagement, soon broken. there was a lot of big shit hitting a big fan. there were a lot of bad feelings, a lot of *things said*. you know those things that you know about your closest friends? the really weak spots where, no matter how much you might tease them or fight with them, you would never aim for because of the reaction you'd get? not anger, not surrender, but more like horror. a horror that twists the face into a fist with the heart bent and crushed inside it.
those things.
yeah.
anyway, so there was that ending, and it was probably a better one than we deserved for the kind of hubris we were emitting like chernobyl, but there it was. four years of intimate friendship and love, and one year of passionate intensity and love, turned from amity to enmity in a month.
I was crazy as a bedbug for quite some time after. I still have a bit of a seizure whenever I encounter bryn mawr college, guava juice, robert graves, or that mike oldfield song Moonlight Shadow. and a few other things. but by and large I'm over it.
today, we have no mutual friends and live on opposite coasts. a lot of time has passed and the bitterness of our parting has faded and now I just miss my friend. I drop her a note every five years and see if she has come to feel the same way.
six years ago, a letter was returned unopened. one year ago, we exchanged a few very congenial emails and she seemed really pleased to hear from me. she asked me to write her a letter, so I did. she wrote back and said that she couldn't think of anything to say and that we probably shouldn't be communicating.
I don't know what that was all about. maybe I'll find out in 2007.
Somebody did not want me in touch with them because of some hurt they feel I caused them. What did I do? I backed off.
I wrote:
somehow that reminds me of the the situation with my Fatal Ex.
the ex-gf in question is the only one of my exen with whom I am not on speaking terms. I'm very pleased with this record, by and large. there are about a dozen people with whom I had a dating/romantic/sexual type relationship lasting more than a week, and I'm on fairly friendly terms with all but one of them. in some cases, "friendly terms" means an email once every year or two: just a quick "how ya doin'? what's new?"
in other cases, it means I'm living with one ex, or that I get together for breakfast or coffeee every week or two with another, or that I really can't stand a third, but I like her boyfriend a lot and hang out with her sometimes as an excuse to be with him.
but there's still that one.
sara was my closest friend for about four years (from the time I was 15 to 19), then we had a very intense, otherworldly relationship for about a year. there was a brief engagement, soon broken. there was a lot of big shit hitting a big fan. there were a lot of bad feelings, a lot of *things said*. you know those things that you know about your closest friends? the really weak spots where, no matter how much you might tease them or fight with them, you would never aim for because of the reaction you'd get? not anger, not surrender, but more like horror. a horror that twists the face into a fist with the heart bent and crushed inside it.
those things.
yeah.
anyway, so there was that ending, and it was probably a better one than we deserved for the kind of hubris we were emitting like chernobyl, but there it was. four years of intimate friendship and love, and one year of passionate intensity and love, turned from amity to enmity in a month.
I was crazy as a bedbug for quite some time after. I still have a bit of a seizure whenever I encounter bryn mawr college, guava juice, robert graves, or that mike oldfield song Moonlight Shadow. and a few other things. but by and large I'm over it.
today, we have no mutual friends and live on opposite coasts. a lot of time has passed and the bitterness of our parting has faded and now I just miss my friend. I drop her a note every five years and see if she has come to feel the same way.
six years ago, a letter was returned unopened. one year ago, we exchanged a few very congenial emails and she seemed really pleased to hear from me. she asked me to write her a letter, so I did. she wrote back and said that she couldn't think of anything to say and that we probably shouldn't be communicating.
I don't know what that was all about. maybe I'll find out in 2007.
