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I've done variations on this one every year for the last 4.
I find it makes the whole thing go much more smoothly.
basic rules:
1. if he uses the word "terror" or any word derived from it, drink.
2. if he name drops a former president, drink.
3. if he advocates something that seems likely to end up getting us all killed, drink.
4. if he advocates something which, if someone else had suggested it, might have struck you as not too bad an idea, drink.
5. if he makes any statement which contains subtle or overt racism, sexism or homophobia, drink. (yes, I realize that, to an extent, such things are built into the english language itself and thus everyone makes statements which subtly contain them from time to time, but let's listen extra hard for them here and drink accordingly.)
special rules:
1. if (when) he gives a shout out to the troops, sing a few bars of any jingoist military song that comes to mind (eg. the Marines' Hymn, Battle Hymn of the Republic, Dixie, Deutchland Uber Alles) and drink.
2. if both sides of the aisle applaud simultaneously at any time other than when he enters or leaves, drink.
3. if the camera cuts to Dick Cheney, cackle an evil laugh and shoot a friend in the face. if you're not as hardcore as Dick Cheney, you can substitute taking a drink for the shooting but you still have to cackle.
4. if the camera cuts to Ted Kennedy, do a Nicholson impression and drink.
5. if the camera cuts to any member of Congress who appears to be asleep or struck dumb with horror, verbalize what you feel is probably going through their head and drink.
chug rules:
1. if he calls anyone evil, chug.
2. if he says anything that sounds like he's laying the groundwork for not leaving office peaceably (or at all) next year, chug.
3. if he says anything that sounds like he's laying the groundwork to nuke someone, chug.
all of the above penalties are doubled if you voted for Bush in 2000 and tripled if you voted for him in 2004.
I find it makes the whole thing go much more smoothly.
basic rules:
1. if he uses the word "terror" or any word derived from it, drink.
2. if he name drops a former president, drink.
3. if he advocates something that seems likely to end up getting us all killed, drink.
4. if he advocates something which, if someone else had suggested it, might have struck you as not too bad an idea, drink.
5. if he makes any statement which contains subtle or overt racism, sexism or homophobia, drink. (yes, I realize that, to an extent, such things are built into the english language itself and thus everyone makes statements which subtly contain them from time to time, but let's listen extra hard for them here and drink accordingly.)
special rules:
1. if (when) he gives a shout out to the troops, sing a few bars of any jingoist military song that comes to mind (eg. the Marines' Hymn, Battle Hymn of the Republic, Dixie, Deutchland Uber Alles) and drink.
2. if both sides of the aisle applaud simultaneously at any time other than when he enters or leaves, drink.
3. if the camera cuts to Dick Cheney, cackle an evil laugh and shoot a friend in the face. if you're not as hardcore as Dick Cheney, you can substitute taking a drink for the shooting but you still have to cackle.
4. if the camera cuts to Ted Kennedy, do a Nicholson impression and drink.
5. if the camera cuts to any member of Congress who appears to be asleep or struck dumb with horror, verbalize what you feel is probably going through their head and drink.
chug rules:
1. if he calls anyone evil, chug.
2. if he says anything that sounds like he's laying the groundwork for not leaving office peaceably (or at all) next year, chug.
3. if he says anything that sounds like he's laying the groundwork to nuke someone, chug.
all of the above penalties are doubled if you voted for Bush in 2000 and tripled if you voted for him in 2004.
