weird

[glaucon]

I just received a piece of spam that said I could "achieve the best sex [I] most likely have ever had".

most likely?
what, they're not sure?
they're not even going to pretend to be sure?

if I'm going to get screwed out of $49.95 for some online snake oil, I damned well want to be screwed by someone whose lies are little more bombastic than that.

I'm talking:
"your penis will blot out the sun!"
"the congregation will all praise your glorious red erection"
"kebob's your uncle!"
kind of stuff.

jesus.

Comments

kebobs

[(Anonymous)]

If *I* promise to tell you that your penis will blot out the sun, while calling your uncle kebob on the phone and praising your glorious erection, will you give me $49.95? I've got a couple rugrats to feed here and could sure use the dough.

Re: kebobs

[glaucon.livejournal.com]

if you're who I think you are, you've got yourself a deal!

Glory, glory, glory

[noisefootprint.livejournal.com]

"if I'm going to get screwed ... I damned well want to be screwed by someone whose lies are little more bombastic than that."
Did you consider THAT might well be the outstanding screwing that fulfills their bloated promise?

Say, is "glorious red erection" commonly bandied about? When my brother was little, he thought that's what the priest was actually saying, so it's been a family joke ever since. But perhaps I would be foolish to believe it's a joke shared by so few people.

Re: Glory, glory, glory

[glaucon.livejournal.com]

oh! that was you!
I couldn't remember who had told me that story.

no, it's not commonly bandied about.
I got it indirectly from your brother.
you told me that story like...85 years ago and it just stuck in my head.

recipe for good sex

[ms-violet.livejournal.com]

You should write them back, saying, "I'm sorry, but your sales pitch just wasn't persuasive enough. Here's some helpful suggestions for how that ad could have been more effective..."

as if all it takes for fantastic sex is a whopper of an erection.

Re: recipe for good sex

[glaucon.livejournal.com]

as if all it takes for fantastic sex is a whopper of an erection.

well, it doesn't guarantee success, but it never hurts.

except sometimes it does.

[brucevbracken.livejournal.com]

For $499.95, I'll tell you that your penis will make crab cakes fall from the sky. With wasabi.

[boutell.livejournal.com]

Michele pointed out this entry to me after I posted mine this morning. Damn, I gotta catch up on lj before posting to it.

[ms-violet.livejournal.com]

I just got spam from Enormous Daily News with this batch of lies:
"I love the role reversal! Now that we use Climax Cream She's the one hounding Me for sex!...this is awesome for my ego. I RULE!"
Jeez, if they just want a woman to hound them for sex, they should get a job at a women's prison.